Can You Be a Sexy Mother? HELL YES, says The Mommy Mojo Makeover Author, Dana B. Myers
One of the things that was most challenging for me after having our baby was reconnecting with my husband, my dog (I know, but really it was a challenge) and myself. All of the focus became about the new little person and my relationships and identity suffered. I met Dana B. Myers, Author and founder of Booty Parlor a few months ago, read her book The Mommy Mojo Makeover: 28 Tools to Reclaim Yourself & Reignite Your Relationship and was so excited to get to chat with her more about what so many moms seem to experience: a post-baby drop in libido and a disconnection from their lovers.
The book is her personal manifesto for sexy, modern motherhood and marriage/partnership. "It's the pathway I discovered to come back to myself to reinvent the woman I am behind the mother, and to boldly grow in a marriage that continues to thrill and turn me on," she says.
When I read the book, I was amazed by how relatable it was. I found comfort in knowing that other moms were going through the same things as I and also appreciated the simple exercises provided by the book to help mamas get back in touch with their Mojo.
Below is an in-depth chat with sexy motherhood expert Dana B. Myers that includes the most common Mommy Mojo Blocks, an exercise that you can do for 5 minutes a day to rekindle your mojo, Dana's favorite sex toys and more.
1. You've spoken to and taught classes for Mommys all over the country, how common is it for mamas to experience a decrease in sexual desire post-babe? I’d say it’s a pretty ubiquitous experience! Almost every mother I meet wonders where her libido has disappeared to, and questions whether or not the passion -- and I mean real, authentic passion - will ever return to her relationship. I think that motherhood is part bliss, part chaos; equally rewarding as it is stifling. And parenting with a partner is such a beautiful bonding experience, but it can also be a breeding ground for resentment, boredom, and unsatisfying sex. And so, while I’d say that 99.9% of mothers experience some kind of a decline in sexual desire and drive, I can also say that with a bit of intention, attention, communication and consistent effort… it’s totally possible to relight the fire and reclaim a sense of sexual entitlement as a woman and mother.
2. What are some of the most common complaints?
Through my constant sex chatter with moms at my workshops -- and of course, at playdates, too -- I began to notice eight common complaints, which I call Mommy Mojo Blocks. These are the obstacles or blocks that drain you of desire, lower your self-esteem and challenge the health of your sexual connection. Here are a handful of the eight I detail in my book: The Mom Zone: This is when you get stuck with ‘mom blinders’ on! You feel as though you’re “all mother, all the time,” with no time or energy to nurture the sensual woman you are behind the mother. Low Libido: Does this one need an explanation? From hormonal shifts to sleep deprivation, chronic stress and physical exhaustion, your sexual appetite has waned. Body Confidence: While some moms feel just as amazing as they did pre-baby, many more moms view their body in a very different way. Some may even feel depressed about their appearance and less inclined to share themselves with their partners in a sensual way. Resentment: This is a big one! Nothing kills the desire for intimate, connected sex like simmering resentment; and when it goes unchecked, it can lead to intense hurt and anger, which can result in (surprise!) less sex.
3. Is it possible to be a great mom and also a sexy, desirable woman?
OH, HELL YES IT IS! I fully believe that every woman deserves to live with passion, love with passion and mother with passion. I believe that as mothers, we actually have an amplified sensual power. We’ve created life. We’ve tapped into a primal feminine source, and because of it, we’re smarter, we feel more, we love more, we’re more tuned into our intuition and we can experience MORE pleasure. But, we have to wake up to this realization. We have to embrace the idea that a consistent practice of sensuality can be the ROCKET FUEL that powers us through the physically-grueling and mentally-exhausting experience of motherhood. So, yes - motherhood gives us more Mojo. We just have to fire it up.
4. I love that The Mommy Mojo Makeover is action-oriented and stresses practices that will help you get in touch with your body, your husband and your sexuality. Why, in your opinion, is Mojo a practice rather than a destination?
Great question, and the most simple answer is that our experience of motherhood & parenthood continues to evolve, day by day, month by month, and year by year. And so then should our practice of Mojo along with it…
A very helpful mindset I have adopted within motherhood, at large, is that “everything is a phase.” So, when something feels REALLY hard, like a period of sleep regression with one child, or a tough emotional transition at school for another child, I am grounded in the knowledge that EVERYTHING IS A PHASE. Things will keep changing and evolving, nothing is permanent, that everything will pass.
And so it goes with the practice of cultivating our mojo, our sensual confidence, our sex drive and intimate connection with our partner. Yes, there will continue to be ups and downs in our relationship, our libido will ebb and flow throughout our life based on a number of circumstances. Those moments will come and go. But as long as you return to the tools and practices that keep you in touch with your body, your pleasure, and your partner, you’ll always find your way through and to the other side… back to your body, back to pleasure, back to your partner.
5. Sometimes feel like I just don't have time to do anything. If mamas could do just one thing each day for 5 minutes to bring back their mojo what would it be? Even the most time-strapped mama can cultivate her mojo on the daily by feeding her MIND with sensual stimulation -- and she doesn’t have to change her routine a single bit.
All she needs to do is give herself the permission to notice the sexy inspiration that already exists in her everyday routine -- from household chores to running errands, to dropping off the kids at school, taking the train to work and cooking dinner. This is more simple than it seems. For example, what do those gorgeous, thick, shiny carrots in the produce section remind you of? How does the frothy, sweet milk on your latte feel against your tongue? How would it feel to writhe around naked on those fresh bath towels that just came out of the dryer? What about that adorable UPS guy wiping sweat from his brow - what he might look like doing that in his… underwear? It’s just about opening your eyes to the turn-ons that surround you in your daily life. Your sensuality is right there, all around you, begging you to pay attention to it. All you have to do is just open your eyes and your imagination and allow yourself to get excited and aroused. And the beauty is that this practice can be really SILLY, and you can have so much fun with it. It’s just a shift in thinking -- and so, it’s perfect for a mama who doesn’t have a lot of time or space to practice the more involved exercises in the book.
6. Favorite sex toy for getting your mommy mojo back? For beginners? For the more adventurous? Oh, one of my favorite subjects - toys!! I suggest any kind of a multi-speed wand for solo play. It’ll deliver great external sensations and pretty much, a guaranteed orgasm. A good one is the SmartWand by Lelo in Medium. For a couples’ toy, I recommend any of the WeVibes that are currently on the market. And for something a little “woo” and mind-blowingly pleasurable, try a crystal wand by Chakrubs.
7. Where can we buy the book? You can buy the book on Amazon!
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